


it's still raining inside my heart (i wanna see you again)

by humaling



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: (or at least thats what i wanted it to be but idk anymore), 5+1 Things, Angst, M/M, Pining, me butchering hyeongseops name rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 02:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humaling/pseuds/humaling
Summary: five times hyeongseop was there to hold woojin's hand and one time he wasn't





	it's still raining inside my heart (i wanna see you again)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah thats a shit title i cant think of anything
> 
> the jinseob tag has been dead lately i am heartbroken but not surprised.....................time to switch to 2park hngfskdlhng but honestly i miss these 2 so much let's,,,,,,, not let this ship(wreck) sink even deeper than it already has........... ANYWAY take a shot every time i use gentle or soft or sweet to describe hyungseop

**0.**

 woojin sits in the middle of the practice room, water bottle clutched in his hand, trying to steady his short, ragged breaths. somewhere in the room, seongwoo is saying something he doesn’t bother to understand. when daehwi laughs suddenly beside him, he turns to ask what was going on, rolls his eyes playfully, and then, out of habit, he turns around to whisper another one of their unfunny inside jokes.

 he freezes when he’s faced with empty air, realisation hitting hard against his tired mind.  _hyeongseop isn’t here to listen. hyeongseop didn’t make it. hyeongseop isn’t here with him._

 daehwi notices, teeth worrying his lower lip. jisung, ever the leader, sees him, too, and his eyes fill with pity as he watches woojin turn slowly back towards daehwi, eyes dark and downcast, hands squeezing his water bottle a little too tight.

 that night, woojin stares at his ceiling listlessly, hands itching to open his phone that isn’t even with him, just so he could see ahn hyeongseop, and maybe send him a small greeting if he could muster enough courage. instead his hands move to clutch at his chest, feeling oddly tight, like something was closing in on his heart and making him feel so suffocated.

 he forces his eyes shut, face buried against his pillow, and when he finally falls asleep, his eyes puffy after too many tears, he dreams of doe eyes sparkling with obvious adoration and pink lips curving into an even deeper smile.

 

**i.**

 “park woojin,” a soft voice calls behind him. pulling his earphones off, woojin turns around and is met with the sight of one of the new A-class trainees – the one from D who ran into the sign, his green sweatshirt gone in favour of the pink one. woojin’s eyes move to the tag on his clothes.  _yuehua, ahn hyeongseop –_ the _pick me_  boy. “i don’t think we’ve met yet.”

 “we haven’t,” woojin says.

 “i noticed.” hyeongseop shifts his weight from one foot to another, hands twisting together. “i’m ahn hyeongseop!”

 “why are you here?” woojin asks, then winces at how rude he sounded.

 hyeongseop doesn’t seem to mind, though. “you looked lonely.”

 he simply shrugs, bringing the song back to the start once again. “i’m fine,” he answers curtly. and he was. he’s used to spending time alone (more than he’d like to admit), and it wasn’t like he could go up to strangers and make friends as easily as daehwi or his hyungs – who were, as of now, also busy with their newfound friends. woojin envies them, but it’s okay. he’ll live.

 hyeongseop purses his lips and then pouts. “okay.” woojin waits for him to leave, move to the friendlier trainees like ong seongwoo or the little woojin, but he stays there, looking like he’s in deep thought. “aren’t you going to practice?”

 hyeongseop looks up at him again. to woojin’s surprise, he smiles. “let’s practice together?”

 woojin’s mouth opens and closes in surprise. he wasn’t exactly the best at socialising, so he doesn’t know why this boy was asking to practice together, but he figures that it wouldn’t hurt to try. he meets hyeongseop’s expectant gaze and nods. “yeah. yeah, why not.”

 hyeongseop takes his hand in his own, gentle and warm, and pulls him towards the front of the room with him. woojin lets him.

 

**ii.**

 they are a disaster.

 woojin lies face down on his bed as his teammates leave to take a shower. he’d heard eunki call for him to follow soon as they left, but he’d given no response, opting to just stay buried in his bunk.

 he feels  _useless_ , despite his teammates’ earlier encouragements, and it was endlessly frustrating. he feels horrible and shameful for being such a mess of a leader in front of everyone, bad enough that even the trainers had taken notice and called them out for it.

 he lets out a small sniffle, thinking he’s alone, so he startles when he feels a warm hand resting on his shoulder, moving quickly into a sitting position.

 hyeongseop  is crouched in front of his bunk, hands wringing restlessly together, and the boy’s guilt filled eyes dart around, looking anywhere but at him.

 “woojinie,” he starts, voice uncharacteristically quiet – because if there was one thing woojin would say about the boy,  _quiet_ is definitely not it. “i’m sorry.”

 “w-what?” woojin flushes as he stumbles raspily over a single word, but he’s genuinely confused about what hyeongseop could possibly be apologising for. he coughs, trying to find his voice. “what’s wrong?”

 “it was my fault that the trainers scolded us earlier,” hyeongseop says in a rush. “i’m sorry i looked to taehyun hyung for help, i just felt like i’ve been too much of a bother to you lately and now you’re probably blaming yourself for this whole thing and – ”

 “yah,” woojin cuts in as soon as he finally understands hyeongseop’s little rant. “are you seriously blaming yourself?” hyeongseop’s cheeks spark brightly when he nods. “it’s fine, seoppie, it’s not your fault. i was doing a bad job at being the leader and the trainers were bound to notice. and you aren’t a bother to me, where did that even come from?”

 hyeongseop sniffs, finally meeting woojin’s eyes. he moves up, arms wrapping loosely around woojin, who hugs back awkwardly, cheeks glaringly red. “thank you, woojinie,” he whispers. he pulls away, hands moving to play with woojin's fingers. he blushes. “i don’t think you’re a bad leader at all.”

 

**iii.**

 woojin frowns, keeping his head down and his face hidden from the intrusive cameras filming another one of their team meetings. he’s used to them, actually – he’s just not used to feeling so small next to other trainees, but the 24 printed beside his name just seemed to stand out so much next to his members’.

 it isn’t really helping that hyeongseop – who was, so far, his closest friend in the show – has switched his focus from woojin to daniel. he’d been sticking close to their leader an awful lot lately, and even when he was with woojin, his name would slip from hyeongseop’s mouth every now and then.

 (he didn't like it at all, not having hyeongseop's full attention on him.)

 woojin  is  _not_ jealous. it’s just the lack of sleep, he says, that’s been messing with his brain lately.

  _and the others’ too_ , he thinks, deliberately ignoring jihoon’s teasing eyes and seongwoo’s not-so-subtle comments. even samuel is finding it hard not to laugh at him, especially at his pout and the way his face scrunches up in displeasure when hyeongseop returns from snack-buying with daniel, laughing together about something that probably wasn’t even  _that_ funny.

 “someone’s jealous,” jihoon snickers under his breath, just loud enough for woojin, who was beside him, to hear. he glares at the other 99 liner, tempted to strangle him and then maybe apologise later.

 “i can hear you, you know.”

 jihoon blinks at him innocently. “why are you so grumpy? i never said it was you.” woojin flushes. he isn’t apologising, after all.

 woojin is endlessly pleased when hyeongseop plops down gracelessly next to him, leaning comfortably against him, and it must have shown, because jihoon snorts and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like  _‘whipped.’_  woojin elbows him in the side, and jihoon only laughs a little more.

 “hey,” hyeongseop greets, holding out some of his drink to woojin. he shifts around a little until he finds a comfortable enough position, his head dropping onto woojin’s shoulder. jihoon gags and moves to where samuel is thirdwheeling between daniel and seongwoo.

 “hey.” woojin accepts the drink, taking a short sip before continuing. “you tired?”

 “mhm. a little,” hyeongseop admits, smiling droopily at woojin. “i really want to sleep.”

 “yeah, you should get some rest,” woojin tells him, hand moving to brush hyeongseop’s hair out of his eyes. “you barely slept yesterday.”

 hyeongseop’s lips form another of his little pouts, and woojin sort of can’t stop staring at how pretty they look. “i need to practice more. it feels like i’ve barely improved.”

 “you’ve improved a lot,” woojin denies. “i’ve seen it. daniel hyung said so, and you’ve been practicing with him the most.”

 his tone turns slightly upset at the end, sort of like a child sulking over candy, and hyeongseop notices. of course he does. “are you jealous of daniel hyung?” he teases, loud and laughing, and woojin flushes a little more. jihoon notices them, and woojin sees him roll his eyes at him from across the room.

 “don’t be jealous,” hyeongseop continues, giggling, his fingers slipping into woojin’s, “you’re still number one in my heart, woojinie.”

 hyeongseop says it lightly, not really noticing how the others’ cackles are probably directed at them (mostly woojin), and by now he’s sure of three things: he wants to fight jihoon, his cheeks are as red as his hair by now, and that his heart feels like it’s about to jump out of his chest.

 (he just isn’t sure why. not yet, at least.)

 too soon, daniel is telling everyone to get up and get ready for their next round of practice, and hyeongseop is prying himself away from where he’s draped over woojin. woojin tries not to follow his movements, already missing his warmth, but he stops and saves himself from further embarassment, instead pulling himself up and making his way over to the middle of the room.

 standing in front of the mirror, his eyes dart to the others’ ranks, displayed proudly in their reflefctions while he moves his arm in a subtle attempt to hide his own. hyeongseop sees him and frowns, and soon his hand is pulling woojin’s arm away from his torso gently, eyebrows knit close together.

 “seop, what – ”

 “you know it doesn’t matter, right?” hyeongseop says, round eyes looking up to meet his. “your rank doesn’t define you or your skills, okay?”

 woojin blushes, nodding mutely. hyeongseop beams up at him (and he practically melts). “that’s right. that’s better. let’s do well and debut together, woojinie!”

 

**iv.**

 woojin feels like his head was about to explode.

 his cheeks burn as he feels the other trainees’ concerned eyes weighing down on him. his hands itch to touch the patch on his eye, but he decides against it and trains his eyes on the  _open up_ team rehearsing their dark, alluring stage, hidden away from cameras, watching absently as his mind wanders off to other things.

 he has absolutely no idea what he did in the past life to get sick right before the concept evaluations, but it’s not like anything can stop him from performing now. not even jonghyun could convince himto rest, and god knows how guilty he is for worrying him – and his team, and pretty much everyone else – and because it’s all probably his fault – getting sick and risking their team’s chances – but he just can’t let himself stop now, not when he’s in his momentum. especially not when he could be eliminated so soon.

 woojin startles as someone’s arms drape over his shoulders, a cheek nuzzling into the crook of his neck. hyeongseop’s soft voice hums in his ear, and shivers shoot down his spine, his mind shooting off course as the other’s warm breath tickles his skin.

 “woojinie,” hyeongseop greets, and woojin can feel the boy’s cheeks lift up in one of his smiles. “how are you?”

 “i’m good,” he replies. “sort of. alive enough to perform.”

 hyeongseop chuckles, but his tone is quite serious when he speaks. “are you okay, though?”

 woojin knows he means something else, but he pretends not to, anyway. “i told you, i’m good.”

 hyeongseop hums again, and there are goosebumps on woojin’s arm. “i hope you are,” he tells him, his hand brushing against woojin’s, “i hope you aren’t beating yourself up or anything. it’s not your fault that you got sick. it’s not your fault if your team doesn’t win.” he pauses. “although, i’m pretty sure your team  _will_  win. especially since you’re in it.”

 it’s woojin’s turn to chuckle, now. “you’re only saying that to make me feel better.”

 “i am! wait, no, i meant – ” hyeongseop groans as woojin laughs at him quietly. he swats his back, starting to pull away from woojin. “you’re really talented, woojinie, i mean it when – yah, don’t laugh at me when i’m trying to be a good friend!”

 woojin grins, his hand moving to catch hyeongseop’s, pulling him back close to him. he places his arm around his shoulder. “i know, seoppie.”

 hyeongseop’s cheeks spark prettily with pink. “i’m always here for you, you know that, right?”

 “i know.”

 “that’s good.” hyeongseop’s voice is as quiet as woojin’s is soft, and woojin really doesn’t want to let go of the moment – hands interwined and cheeks tinged with colour, eyes glittering with words left unsaid beneath their smiles. his eyes flit down to hyeongseop’s lips, pink and soft, and the latter flushes even more, hearts fluttering as he averts his eyes almost shyly.

 but then the  _oh little girl_ team is called for their turn on the stage, and hyeongseop is pulling away slowly, hesitantly, from their shattered little moment. woojin nods at him to go, and he watches the boy smooth out whatever wrinkles he sees in his clothes.

 “let’s do well, seoppie,” woojin calls out to him.

 hyeongseop turns, flashing him a bright smile and a wink, saying, “this one’s for you, woojinie!”

(when woojin sees the rose, his heart swells in his chest, and he wants to reach out to hyeongseop and  _dear god he is_ in love _._ )

**v.**

 the roar of the audience is deafening, and woojin is pretty sure he had heard boa wrong when she announced him as 6th place. his eyes widen in shock, mouth hanging open, and, staring at the frenzied crowd waving his banners and cheering for him, he is  _definitely_ sure this is a dream.

 and then there are hands, soft and warm and familiar, holding onto his arms and shaking him, and he can hear his voice, the congratulations falling ever so sweetly from his lips. his touch sends sparks through woojin’s skin, and woojin is jolted back to reality.

 he is in. he finished at 6th place. he made it.

  _he’s debuting._

 the others swarm towards him, hands gripping at his clothes and shaking him as they yell excitedly, yet all he could focus on was hyeongseop’s touch, burning through his clothes, the soft voice whispering to him. woojin turns to look at him, and he drowns in the happiness and the tears swimming in the other boy’s eyes, his hand moving to grasp at his jacket.

 then he’s being pushed up to the pyramid, shaking as he delivers his speech, and even from there he could see hyeongseop way below, eyes shining with pride, smile wide and adoring. it takes all of his willpower not to cry, because he made it and he’s 6th and hyeongseop is still  _down there_ , the ranks getting dangerously high and it would take a  miracle for him to be able to make it into wanna one at this point.

 he stays in his seat, focused on hyeongseop, hopeful and desperate. he stands up for the other trainees whose names are fortunately announced, but when the time comes for boa to reveal the 11th member, woojin freezes, eyes trained on the screen, hoping against all odds for hyeongseop to be on that screen – for hyeongseop to be with them. with  _him_.

 and then four trainees are flashed on the screen, all looking equally distressed and expectant, woojin’s heart falls, all the way from where he is to where the other stands, breaking apart. there are four trainees flashed on the screen, and hyeongseop isn’t there.

 hyeongseop didn’t make it.

 woojin’s mouth falls open, as if he was about to protest about the sheer unfairness of the whole damn show. against his better judgement, his eyes dart to where hyeongseop is, and – there, there he is, looking back up at woojin, still smiling.

 except now his smile is darker, his eyes apologetic – as if it’s his fault that he was mistreated and ignored by the pds, as if it’s his fault that he didn’t make it. woojin’s heart twists and he wants  _so badly_ to run down there and pull him into his arms, comfort him like he did with woojin more than once, cameras be damned. but he  _can’t_ , he knows he can’t, and he has to sit it out for a few more hours before he can go to the boy.

  _i’m sorry,_  woojin wants to yell.  _i’m so sorry, you should be here, you don’t deserve that_.

  _i’m sorry, seoppie._

 

 woojin finally reaches hyeongseop once the cameras have gone. he catches him in the backstage, smiling and hugging the other trainees, and woojin wants to scream, because  _how can he be so selfless when he just had been robbed._

 hyeongseop finally,  _finally_  turns and sees him, standing there quietly, hands clenched into fists at his sides. beaming, he reaches out, taking woojin’s hand in his and pulling him in for a hug. woojin’s hands instinctively wrap around the other, drinking in his scent, enjoying his warmth, the sweet embrace he’s gotten so used to, and he’s really about to cry now, because they won’t have this anymore. laughing together about dumb things during in-between breaks and staying up late with each other in practice rooms, slipping into each other’s bunks and lacing their fingers together as they talk about anything and everything to distract each other from the harsh competition they’re in, sharing cool drinks after the shows – it isn’t theirs anymore, because they were ahn hyeongseop and park woojin once, but now they’re ahn hyeongseop and park woojin from different groups, different labels, and  _god_ , it’s been so long since woojin’s started living in his own little bubble with hyeongseop that he doesn’t have a clue how he’ll breathe without hyeongseop by his side.

 “congratulations, woojinie,” hyeongseop’s voice fills his ears, gentle and lovely, and woojin feels like his knees are about to give out on him. “you made it.”

 woojin shakes his head, “but you didn’t.”

 “i know. that’s okay. i’m okay.” hyeongseop’s fingers run through his hair, pushing it back; woojin leans into his touch. he absently realises that they were truly alone now. “you’ve worked so hard, woojinie. you deserve this more than anyone. it’s all that matters.”

 “no,” woojin says, frustrated. he isn’t angry at hyeongseop, though. he could never. “no, that was you, hyeongseop, you worked harder than anyone else and  _you deserve a place there_  and – ” woojin’s voice cracks, and hyeongseop rubs comforting circles on the back of his hand. “i wanted to debut with you.”

 “me, too, woojinie,” hyeongseop coos at him, “but there’s no going back now.”

 “i just – i wish i could, i don’t know, go back, i wish i could  _do something_  for you – ”  _for us._

 “i know.”

 “hyeongseop, i – ” the words clog up in his throat, and he ends up choking as the first few tears fall. “i – ”

 hyeongseop pulls back, smiling sweetly and gorgeously and woojin ends up choking back more sobs as he stares into his eyes, as if he was reading all the words woojin can’t seem to find the courage to say. “i know, woojin,” he whispers. “i know.”

 and then the whole dam breaks, crystalline tears dropping from his eyes, and hyeongseop gasps, “woojinie, you aren’t supposed to cry,” he says, his voice wavering as he wipes away the other’s tears. “please let me be happy for you without having to cry. i look awful when i do.”

 woojin sniffs. “you never look awful. you’re always so pretty.” hyeongseop’s laugh is watery, hands still on his cheeks now. his eyes drift down to hyeongseop’s lips once again, and his hands move to run a finger over them. “can i – ”

 a sharp intake of breath, lashes fluttering over pale skin. “please.”

 woojin leans down, lips ghosting over hyeongseop’s before he finally kisses him, and it’s so  _perfect_ and so  _bitersweet_ , the feeling of hyeongseop’s lips on his own – soft, gentle, warm, with shocks buzzing beneath his skin – and the taste of hyeongseop on his lips. why hadn’t he done this before, when they had more time with each other? when he had more time to tell the other what he  _felt_.

 hyeongseop moves away first, woojin chasing after him, and he giggles, breathy and tinkling, before he buries his face in woojin’s chest.

 they stay there for a long time, just drinking in each other’s presence. he should be with his new group, or with the other trainees or something, but he doesn’t care. all that matters is  _now_ , and  _now_  is hyeongseop clinging onto him like he was his anchor, and woojin kissing the crown of his head.  _now_ is hyeongseop moving to look up at him like he hung up the moon, and  _now_ is him looking back with as many stars in his eyes. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to, because their eyes tell each other everything.

 they stay there until woojin’s being called by the other members and hyeongseop really needs to go. hyeongseop’s hand slips out of woojin’s slowly, hesitantly, like he always does when they leave each other’s side. “i’ll miss you, woojinie.”

 woojin’s heart clenches in his chest, already missing the other. “i’ll miss you, too.”

 

**0.**

woojin watches the buildings go by in grey and blue blurs, eyes half closed. he was exhausted, muscles sore, but his mind refused to let him sleep, filling itself with memories from not so long ago, when he used to perform on different stages, his rank low and debut uncertain, with a certain flower boy’s presence keeping him alive somehow, and now he's barely making it without him. it’s still  _so strange_ , honestly, so surreal, to be performing on stages that aren’t for produce101, instead performing on actual, show stages as an idol, and to be doing it without hyeongseop.

 he is tired and lethargic and his heart is aching, longing to see hyeongseop, but he has no idea how – not when he doesn’t have his phone to communicate, and even if he did, his own head would stop him anyway, because  _it’s been months, woojin, how do you even know if he still feels the same as he had back then? does he still even want me back as much as i want him here?_

(little does he know is that, at the end of the other line, there is hyeongseop staring blankly at the screen of his phone, anxious and aching as he mulls over whether or not to send a text, knowing woojin won’t see it. he hits send anyway, and then he puts his phone away and drowns himself in work, because clinging onto the past won’t change the fact that they aren’t together. not anymore.)

 tears prick at his eyes, welling up and threatening to fall. woojin wipes them away before they could and covers up his sniffling with a cough, and jisung turns to him worriedly, asking if he was feeling bad. he shrugs and smiles before closing his eyes, slumping in his seat.

 the moment they arrive, he slips into the bathroom and curls up against the wall, letting the tears flow, feeling the weight of loneliness more than ever now that hyeongseop isn’t here to comfort him with his soothing voice and sweet words, and that he isn’t here to hold woojin’s hand and woojin’s heart and tell him that  _it’s okay, woojinie, you can do it. it’s going to be fine._ we’re _going to be fine._ he wants to hear those words so  _badly_ , needs a reassurance that hyeongseop still feels as strongly as he does for him, but he won’t be hearing his voice anytime soon, and he cries himself until he runs out of tears, his eyes burning and dry and swollen, and he could still care less as he resorts to staring at the tiles emptily until daehwi is there, taking him into his arms and whispering  _oh, hyung,_  and woojin wants to cry again but he  _can’t_ so he clings onto daehwi instead. daehwi comforts him, stroking his hair until he falls asleep, and he is warm and he is familiar but he isn’t  _ahn hyeongseop_.

 woojin falls asleep with eyes red and face twisting sadly, and this time it’s daehwi’s heart that aches for his hyungs, wondering how fate could be so cruel to people like them – people clearly meant for each other.

 (woojin goes to sleep wondering if hyeongseop misses him as much as he does; hyeongseop goes to sleep wondering if woojin even remembers him, what they went through, what they used to have, wondering if he still means as much to him now that he’s rising without hyeongseop beside him.

 there could only be so much  _what ifs_.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> there u go 4k words of vomit i hope u enjoyed!!!!! or not. idk leave a comment or a kudo gbye
> 
> [yell at me on twt](http://twitter.com/anhwoong)


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